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Bye Bye

Ever since President Obama won his second term with the tea baggers suffering some loses, it appears that a number of people are signing petitions asking that their state be allowed to leave the United States. Now, if you consider that our population of the United States is over 311 Million people, the number of signers of these petitions is not very large.  However, it doesn’t mean that they have a bad idea.  The fact is, it may be a good idea.

There is at least one other person beside myself that thinks that this might not be too bad.  I am sorry that I don’t know the author of the enclosed note, but I felt that you might enjoy it:

(by Unknown Author – with some modifications by me)

Dear Red States:

We’re ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics, and we decided we’re leaving.

We in California intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren’t aware that includes New York, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin, as well as Carl Rove, and George Bush.

You get to try out your favorite economic theory of the day, but, unfortunately we will be negatively disposed to bailing you out.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get James Taylor. You get Ted Nugent.

We get Disneyland. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel, Apple, and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard and MIT. You get Ole’ Miss, and LSU.

We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share. You will REALLY enjoy that one!

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country’s fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95% of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, and Liberty University. We’ll also throw in Ann Coulter as a bonus!

We get Hollywood and Yosemite.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Tentatively we are going to call ourselves “The Enlightened States of America”.  You, if you wish, can call yourselves, “Jesus Land”.  You won’t find anyone standing in your way.

Importantly, we get to enter the twenty-first century with decent medical care.  You can go back to the 18th if that is your desire.  For your health care, well, you can pray.  We lefties don’t have a prayer, do we?  But we do have the Mayo Clinic, Cleveland Clinic, and Johns Hopkins.

We’re taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Citizens of the Enlightened States of America (Formerly the Blue States).

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One comment on “Bye Bye

  1. The Red States “Jesus Land”?? The Red States of Nazi America would be more appropriate.

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